Regarding a preponderance of similar/copied landscapes with little attention to aesthetics and using a limited selection of plants:
Somebody needs to do something about all the ugly landscaping around here.
Regarding a fear of seeing a snake while hiking:
There is no need to worry about
snakes while out hiking because on average (around here) you are more likely to be bit by a snake when in church.
(Most people reply that they don't go to that kind of church.)
Regarding a forester's view of the economic value of dogwoods, which he could not identify:
Dogwoods are used to cushion the more valuable trees being cut down. (Now they are just ran over if chainsaws are not being used.)
Regarding what to do about a butterfly garden being eaten by caterpillars:
Where do butterflies come from? (Wait for it.)
Oh, never mind.
Regarding a rural reaction at a historic district garden tour after anticipating getting to see an heirloom Jackson vine for the very first time:
Here is the Jackson vine.
But that is
just a brier.
Regarding a antique sundial after its function was described during a garden tour:
What will they think of next.
Regarding a comment about there being to many trees in an (already thinned) Alabama Treasure Forest:
This isn't a golf course.
Regarding an honest male with an encyclopedic knowledge base:
Is there anything that you don't know everything about?
Yes, women.
Regarding how to lay turf grass sod:
Green side up.
Regarding a new accountant wondering how to categorize a farmer's equipment for tax purposes:
Is a bush-hog for breeding purposes?
Regarding an inquiry of the dominate flavor(s) noticed with a particular sample during a wine tasting tour.
It reminds me of grasshoppers. (This person once swallowed a grasshopper that flew into her mouth.)
(This is probably a charitable description considering that the most accurate is spoiled grape juice.)
